Destiny...

Who Am I?

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 02:00:39 GMT

Who am I? A person that's troublesome to her friends? That should just die and have no one mourn over her? That should just become an invisible person who's soul purpose is to give others happiness and she's void of emotions?

Yeah... I know that these thoughts are very dark... and would probably scare my friends... my true friends... but I would always have these thoughts bottled up inside of me... never once expressing it... even though I would write dark emo-ish lyrics to get my heart beating with innocence that my face wouldn't show any dark emotions, such as huge anger and depression.

I know that I can't think things through that well... and I know that I bug my friends a lot... but that's because I don't want to become that invisible person all of a sudden who's being ignored throughout a conversation with friends... like a third wheel among a huge crowd... and you're just there to hold the friendship together!

I don't know if moving to southern california was a good thing for me... or a bad decision along a windy road towards my undecided future. Sure, I have friends here in southern cal... and have friends and family in northern cal... but my heart hurts so much... that I would just cry silently to sleep.

So, who am I? A college student with no future, no friends, and definitely a bothersome thorn on her friends' side.

Confusion

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:37:22 GMT

Do you ever feel like you don't know what you are doing sometimes? That you don't know what you want to do with your life?

I feel that I made a mistake on what I want to do with my life. I went to the humanities counselors to talk to them about my degree and what I want to do with myself. I don't know why, but I switched myself out of my major as a philosophy person to one of film and media studies. I don't know if I did the right thing or not. I don't know where my road will take me anymore!

Another thing is that I told my mom. My mom still keeps on insisting that I become a pediatrics person. She wants me to gain a job like her own: a nurse at a hospital. I don't know if I can see myself as a nurse or not, with those uniforms they wear. I love kids, that I know of, but I don't think that this is what I want to do for a major. My head is in confusion and I can't do anything about it!

I could do double major in college. One major to make me happy and the other to make my mom happy. But my dad will also have a say in this. I don't know if I did the right thing, making me a humanities undeclared. I don't know if I did the right thing to tell my mom, who will call me and will nag me on becoming a pediatrics person.

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I NEED ADVICE ON THIS SITUATION!!!! HHEELLPP!!!!!!!!!!!

Happiness

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:52:25 GMT

All right... so this won't be like philosophical or anything else that I wrote for this journal...

I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!! My cousins are getting married! One next month... and one in November! So I hope that I will get to watch my cousins get married! I'm so excited! WHEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ｘｉｎ　ｎｉａｎ　ｋｕａｉ　ｌｅ!!!!!!!!

新年快樂!!!!!!!!!

Boredom

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:19:37 GMT

Do you ever feel bored out of your mind during the weekends and after school? Do you just want to relax or do something fun instead of homework?

A friend of mine and I were so bored one day and we didn't want to do our homework. It was a Saturday when we decided to take the OCTA bus to Target for some supplies. Since we were so bored, we did something adventurous, taking the bus all the way to the end of the route. We met up with another friend on the 79 bus, and she told us about all these great places in one area. The bus driver was listening in on the directions our friend was giving to us. The bus driver was enthusiastic and started to criticize her directions. He said that there are many places in the route with Targets. He also told us that an elderly woman wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese, but they passed two other Chuck E. Cheese before finding the right one. So, we learned to always have the cross streets to find the place.

Going over the route, we found a lot of new places. We went to the end of the route and found a Vons, Albertson's, Coco's, a donut shop, and other places. We walked around the area to explore and got brunch from Vons and the donut shop. They really do have yummy donuts... hehe.... ANYWAYS, after finding lots of places, such as Mervyn's and banks, we walked to the bus stop again and took the 79 bus back the direction we came. We got off on Jamboree and another cross street that I forgot *sweatdrops*. The place was huge! There were many places, such as Toys R Us, Target, IHOP, Jamba Juice, Barnes and Noble, and many more! The bad part was that everything was called Market Place and was separated into four huge parts. My friend and I were so tired that we were dragging our feet to walk back to the bus stop, and the bus was late for 20 minutes! WTH was going on?!

All well.... the bus was late, duh! At least my friend and I had fun on our wild adventure on the 79 bus route. Wish that most of our friends could come, but I guess they were busy with other things on that Saturday. My friend from this story and I are gonna go to Brea Mall tomorrow and Southcoast on Saturday. Hopefully, if I ask, that my friends can come as well... more adventures! Whee!

Birthday

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 19:17:33 GMT

Today is my birthday! Yay!

But don't you just want to sleep during your birthday instead of going to class? Don't you want to celebrate with friends and family instead of being in school?

As of now, I'm in class studying about grammar, more specifically the time frames in essays. I would rather be snuggling inside my warm bed and sleeping the day away, having a nice sleep. I would rather hang with my friends and family today without a care in the world for homework. I know that it sounds rather crude since everyone needs education for a better lifestyle, maybe some people would like to be in a huge success, but I rather feel lonely and depressed. I'm down south, 7 - 8 miles away from my family and friends. I know that I have new friends here at UCI, but you can never forget the people you befriended with.

I guess you can say that I'm somewhat homesick for my family and friends. But that can't stop me from being somewhat happy on this special day, ne?

Resolutions

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 23:47:02 GMT

What exactly are resolutions? Can people keep their resolutions for the new year? How about forgetting your resolutions and breaking it? Or are people aware that they break resolutions for the better good?

Every year is the same resolutions I make each year. Each time, I somehow break it by the little things. This year, maybe, I can keep my resolutions throughout the new 2009 year, but it's kind of hard. Like everyone else, it's so hard to keep the promises, the resolutions, throughout the year because you want to jump into the bad habits, jump into the things you promise not to do. But is it really hard to lose yourself in the pleasures of the little things you don't want to do? For example, someone resolutes that they will not eat any sweets anymore because they want to lose weight by cutting off from the delicacies that are candies, chocolate, cookies, etc, but they lose their self-control and eat these delicacies. It's quite hard, but sometimes, the best way to deal with resolutions is to make promises that can be kept!

For me, my resolutions for the new year are:
1. trying to calm myself before I lose my temper over little things (maybe meditation may help?)
2. concentrate on studies (even though they are boring... XP) to make parents proud of me in college
3. socialize instead of cooping myself inside my apt. room in college (even though I rather have my privacy than hanging with others.... XP)
4. gain more self-confidence in myself in things that I do (you DON'T WANT to know why I have little self-confidence in myself... even I don't know WHY -_-;)
5. contact with my parents more when I'm at college (even IF I like my independence -_-;)
A
N
D
6. making new friends and bringing new and old together (boy, that's a hard one -_-;).

Sure it sounds that my resolutions can't be accomplished, and that most other resolutions are wacky by other people. BUT we're only human and aren't perfect in anything we do in society. It's going to be hard, but I'm hoping, PRAYING, that I can stick to my resolutions this year!

I may be ranting, but I hope that your resolutions won't break, like some of mine during past years of my life. Have a happy new 2008 year with all your friends and family!

Labels/Titles

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:36:57 GMT

I've been thinking about how everyone comes up with new names, like nicknames, names for journals, and story titles. Is it fate and destiny rearing their heads inside of ours to come up with these names? Or is it creativity that each and everyone have within us? It's somewhat hard to come up with an answer. It's hard because it sounds like the decisions we make on our lives! How do we choose our daily life... or something like that.... but we never will have an answer. I guess we won't find an answer on titles and labels we come up with everyday.

Crazy Days

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:28:57 GMT

Do you remember crazy days with friends and family? Any type of crazy days at all? 'Cause I remember a lot of crazy days with friends and family.

Like today for example. My friend calls me at 11 to go eat lunch with him. Apparently, he has the car instead of his mom. Anyways, he comes by my house and we drive to find a good place to eat. He suggested Chiles, but I didn't want to go there. So, we decided to go to Tanforan. He joked that if we went to Chiles, everyone would look at us Asians and wonder why we were in a Mexican place. He also joked that we Asians will put soy sauce on our burritos. (No, he's not racist.)

Anyways, we got to Tanforan and I wanted to go to Butterfly, a Vietnamese place, but just our luck, the restaurant was closed. We then just went to Tanforan's food court. We ate, duh, but he kept on joking about a lot of things. I couldn't concentrate on drinking my soup, and well, let's just say that he lost his appetite and I choked on my soup. Darn him! But he blames his friend for telling him that "pmsing makes him hungry"... yeah... I would laugh at that too!

So, we left the place and since he needed to get his brother, I suggested to go to a different route back at my place. He agreed and we drove, but he took the wrong left turn to my place! Then we found out that he was almost out of gas! So it took longer to get to my house! I had to direct him to a gas station and we eventually found one. While he paid for $10 gas, I went to the ATM machine to get $20 bucks out from my checking account since I owed my friend. We finally got to my place with a bunch of twists and turns, but finally here at home! He says, "Today is a wild goose chase just hanging with you!" So, I'm happy to get Christmas songs at the end of the day, while he's happy to spend time with me and get a new charger for his cell!

So, yeah, crazy days can happen spontaneously, but don't you feel happy afterwards? Feeling safe and warm when the day is over? Or just tired, like me!!!!

Irony

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 21:34:50 GMT

Do you feel that irony can hit you when you least expect it? Do you feel that this person is the one, yet it turns out that it's not?

Here's an irony about a friend of mine, yet I won't tell the name. Well, my friend was going on a date with a look-a-like of me. You're going to say that it's really creepy, and I totally agree with you because both he and I act as siblings than lovers. Anyways, my friend took the look-a-like to a movie. He said that both were happy with one another, even though he thought it was weird, but liked it. Well, the irony is that the look-a-like had a SON already. My friend found out a couple of days ago and called me. He told me that it was so great, yet he didn't want to be the step-father to a little child. They broke off, and he heard that she is now dating a different person.

It's irony because he thought he found the right girl for him, but turns out, they weren't meant to be. I mean, sure they have laughs and are great with one another, but a girl should NEVER just push a CHILD upon a person, even though that girl likes my friend. I hope that he finds his happiness with a girl. Maybe when he goes to Irvine?

Abandonment

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:28:30 GMT

Did you feel that your life was upside down, inside out? Did you feel that you were forgotten by your friends and family sometimes? Well, this is what I usual feel when none of my friends and family talk to me.

It was during times I go through facebook. I send things, such as snow globes, christmas gifts, growing plants, and other stuff, to my friends. I love to make my friends feel as though they are wanted in life. But sometimes, whenever I do this, I become sad because I feel that I'm ignored, like I'm invisible to them whenever we hang or talk. Whenever I talk to my friends through AIM, I feel that they are ignoring me whenever I ask a question, like how are you and are you all right and all other random stuff. With family, it's worse. I'm usually the dark one, the weird one of the family. I do other stuff instead. My family actually forgets about me, such as my sister leaving, never asking me to hang with her. I'm usually the one who has to do the asking. I don't know, I might be rambling on, but I feel like I was abandoned by my friends and family. I can just see all my friends and family become successful, laughing and taunting me, the one in the corner, the one who's in the dark of all things. My heart breaks whenever I think about this.

Do my friends and family think that I'm an annoying brat who wants something from them? I don't know what they think, but it hurts if they really do think of me as a brat. I just want to be free and hang with them, yet they probably think that I'm such a crybaby and can't think for herself. So, one question remains: What do they REALLY think of me as we spend time together?!